There’s a big life change underway for me. It requires packing up home (again) and moving to a new city (again). But unlike the move two years ago, this one feels like I am moving towards the light. I am making life-altering decisions with a happier state of mind and relishing the fresh start.
But clarity does not come with the simple desire to know what the next steps should be. Clarity comes from sitting in muddy confusion, a willingness to be uncomfortable. There is no timeline, and this adds to the discomfort. For me, this is like being paralyzed at a 5-way intersection, not knowing which road to choose.
Out of the most mundane, repetitive tasks can come the clearest solutions. This article explains it perfectly, from a more scientific perspective. My eureka answer came to me while driving down a familiar and not particularly interesting stretch of highway. My mind wandered and … voilah!
The old adage, “hindsight is 20-20,” is true. Now that I am in this new mindspace, the emotional underpinnings of my relocation two years ago are clear. It’s not that I have regrets — I don’t. But I have fresh appreciation for the emotional healing that had yet to occur. I know now that the recovery from the painful disappointment of what I had hoped was my forever marriage was on its own timeline. That betrayal lays deep wounds and the rebuilding of tissue is a process that must not be rushed. In fact, I would say that scar tissue has a mind of its own!
So, as I buy (another) giant-sized roll of packing tape, face the tedious task of packing up my belongings (again), and say good-bye to new friends, I am embracing the unknown that lies ahead. In November I will become a grandmother for the first time. And in the meantime there’s a new neighborhood and town to explore, friends I haven’t yet met, and a baby layette to knit!